Getting the Postal Service right

And all it took was long hair, v-neck shirts, autotune and a lot of Jesus. Everyone knows that the Postal Service was one of the worst bands of all time. They had no screaming, their guitars were not even distorted and not one song was about God. Thankfully, Confide has come along and righted every single wrong in the Postal Service's "Such Great Heights." The title of that song was ironic cause it sucked so bad and sounded like Satan, but the new one rules so much and is pretty much the aural equivalent of all-over print.

I was hanging out with them when they were dragging the song's lifeless body from the lake of fire, so I can provide you with a little exclusive insider information on its genesis:

"Bro, God be blessed, let's do it with super-distorted, shitty sounding guitars."

"You stupid fag, praise the Lord, of course we will do it like that."

"Hey bro, keeping in mind that I hate Satan, maybe we could also throw some autotune in there."

"Well yeah, we will slide that to the drummer, cause Christian mall-metalcore drummers always love autotune, which is God's gift to the world."

"Sikk bro, sikk, God is so great, I figure we should also insert a sick, sick, brutal breakdown in there."

"HEAVEN yeah bro, HEAVEN yeah."

"Man, we are gonna bang so many fourteen year olds with this one, God willing."

"I hope so bro, if it is God's divine providence."