Thursday, July 30, 2009

Racism just isn't racist anymore

A Boston police officer who sent a mass e-mail referring to Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. as a "banana-eating jungle monkey" has apologized, saying he's not a racist.
Officer Justin Barrett told a Boston television station on Wednesday night that he was sorry for the e-mail.
"I regret that I used such words," Barrett told CNN affiliate WCVB-TV. "I have so many friends of every type of culture and race you can name. I am not a racist."
...In Barrett's e-mail, which was posted on a Boston television station's Web site, he declared that if he had "been the officer he verbally assaulted like a banana-eating jungle monkey, I would have sprayed him in the face with OC (oleoresin capsicum, or pepper spray) deserving of his belligerent non-compliance."
Barrett used the "jungle monkey" phrase four times, three times referring to Gates and once referring to Abraham's writing as "jungle monkey gibberish."

It's getting so hard to be racist these days. Nobody's racist anymore. All these people who publicly say and do things that used to be considered racist, like the above pig, like Don Imus, like the pig who arrested Gates, or pigs who use the letter "N" to denote black people's race on traffic tickets, they just aren't racist now. Sure, they hate black people and everything, fuck with them based on their skin color, but I guess they just don't mean it. Maybe they're accidental racists. Unwilling racists.

Anyway, when I call someone a banana-eating jungle monkey, I want them to be offended, in a serious way. And they used to be. Unfortunately, they won't anymore, since it's no longer a racist term. I get it all the time these days. When I go out to eat, the person waiting on me often says, "Do you know what you'd like to order, you banana-eating jungle monkey?" When the UPS guy comes to our door, he frequently tells me, "Hey banana-eating jungle monkey, I've got a package for you." At the health food store, where they know me, most of the staff greets me with, "Hello banana-eating jungle monkey, how are you today?" And I'm not even black. I get it all the time though, you know? What a bummer.

What's it gonna take? I think we need new terms. The old ones are played out and have long since lost their sharp edge due to constant use. Who would have thought that banana-eating jungle monkey would become common, non-offensive parlance? I guess everything changes with time. It's like how "bad" started to mean "really awesome" in the 1960s.

Friday, July 10, 2009

We suffer so that you may acquire "knowledge"

which you then immediately discard, thinking "That's interesting."

Research/torture/confinement/starvation for its own sake. Science. Progress.

One monkey is on a calorie restricted diet, the other is not. Both look profoundly sad and forlorn.

Sick, sadistic fucks pursuing useless information. Wanna see what their conclusions are and what they may mean?

Few people can keep to a diet with 30 percent fewer calories than usual. So
biologists have been looking for drugs that might mimic the effects of caloric
restriction, conferring the gain without the pain.

Dietary restriction seems to set off an ancient strategy written into all
animal genomes, that when food is scarce resources should be switched to tissue
maintenance from breeding. In recent years biologists have had considerable
success in identifying the mechanisms by which cells detect the level of
nutrients available to the body. The goal is to find drugs that trick these
mechanisms into thinking that famine is at hand. People could then literally
have their cake and eat it, too, enjoying the health benefits of caloric
restriction without the pain of forgoing rich foods.

Brilliant, simply fucking brilliant. Let's do this "experiment" with premises that are virtually untenable in real life, and then maybe we can make some drugs to fuck with biology a little more. The outcomes are fantastic - drug companies get rich, people (really just Americans and those who have enough money and resources to emulate them) can still be the fat, undiscerning fucks that they are and be able to do so much longer, world population will increase as life spans do the same, and we will burn out the planet at ever greater speeds.

Thanks science. Thanks for continually pressing on, undeterred, to find the maximum fucking velocity at which to hurtle towards hell.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


This tour is coming next month. Dates announced SOON. Fucking fuck yes, we are so psyched on this shit. It's been a long time in the works.

Of course, we don't fault the police either. Corporate Avenger, they're the Howard Stern of...fuck, just music in general. They say what everyone is thinking but no one wants to say.

Stay the fuck out of my mind. And my Slipknot gasmask.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Congratulations to humanity

We've done it again, managing to globalize and homogenize ants through another one of our magnificently ignorant, witless stumbles towards destruction.

A single mega-colony of ants has colonised much of the world, scientists have discovered.
Argentine ants living in vast numbers across Europe, the US and Japan belong to the same inter-related colony, and will refuse to fight one another.
The colony may be the largest of its type ever known for any insect species, and could rival humans in the scale of its world domination.
What's more, people are unwittingly helping the mega-colony stick together.
Argentine ants (Linepithema humile) were once native to South America. But people have unintentionally introduced the ants to all continents except Antarctica.
These introduced Argentine ants are renowned for forming large colonies, and for becoming a significant pest, attacking native animals and crops.
In Europe, one vast colony of Argentine ants is thought to stretch for 6,000km (3,700 miles) along the Mediterranean coast, while another in the US, known as the "Californian large", extends over 900km (560 miles) along the coast of California. A third huge colony exists on the west coast of Japan.
A resounding chorus of applause is in order here.

The most plausible explanation is that ants from these three super-colonies are indeed family, and are all genetically related, say the researchers. When they come into contact, they recognise each other by the chemical composition of their cuticles.
"The enormous extent of this population is paralleled only by human society," the researchers write in the journal Insect Sociaux, in which they report their findings.
Cool. Hopefully they'll help take us out.

Hipster bike culture

blows. From an email I got from Timbuk2 advertising this piece of shit. Makes me want to send my bag back in disgust. If I could afford something else, I would. And also take a dump in it.

Mind you, it only holds PBR.

I guess it's fitting to also use the fourth of July as a celebration of alcoholism.

I despise your killing and raping...You're...despicable

More war. For nothing. Fight and fight. Attack. Return the attack. Go nowhere. No progress. Just moving sideways. Domination. New masters. Old masters return. No one wins. Same process, new participants. Ad nauseam. Ad annihilation.