Wednesday, March 31, 2010

New plans for offshore oil drilling

Ok. So there's quite a bit to say about this. Here is a brief summation of what the president has handed down:

The Obama administration is proposing to open vast expanses of water along the Atlantic coastline, the eastern Gulf of Mexico and the north coast of Alaska to oil and natural gas drilling, much of it for the first time, officials said Tuesday.

Concerns abound from virtually every conceivable method of analysis - environmental, political, social, financial. Mine are chiefly about the environmental impact of this and people's perceived right to do as they wish with land simply because they can, but I am not going to go into that. Instead, I will offer a bit of unsolicited advice on how to achieve one of the goals that this new petroleum extraction is supposed to secure.

Mr. Obama said several times during his presidential campaign that he supported expanded offshore drilling. He noted in his State of the Union address in January that weaning the country from imported oil would require “tough decisions about opening new offshore areas for oil and gas development.”
Mind you, I have no belief in the sustainability of industry, nor do I wish for it to be so, but if one were of that mindset (and all capitalists are), there is a crucial first step that they must take and push for:

Get off the oil industry's dick.


Monday, March 29, 2010

National Republican Party drops $2000 in lesbian S&M bar

Look, I'm not one to play the partisan electoral game. Fuck them all, they ain't worth a shit, basically. But sometimes, things are just too good to pass up. Like this:

Once on the ground, FEC filings suggest, Steele [Michael Steele, Republican National Committee chairman] travels in style. A February RNC trip to California, for example, included a $9,099 stop at the Beverly Hills Hotel, $6,596 dropped at the nearby Four Seasons, and $1,620.71 spent [update: the amount is actually $1,946.25] at Voyeur West Hollywood, a bondage-themed nightclub featuring topless women dancers imitating lesbian sex.

Wow. I mean, that's cool if that's what you're into, but you're a Republican. The head of the party, no less. Conservatives always rail against that kind of thing. Aren't they going to hell for being gay? I guess it's fun to watch how they'll get there, huh? Sure, you would rather die than let them get married [can't let down the gee oh dee], but you really enjoy looking at what they would be doing on their wedding night. Makes sense.

The more I read the article, the more I started to think that the guy is a double agent. Take them down from the inside, you know?

A March 20 FEC filing shows the RNC has $9.5 million cash on hand. Steele began his tenure with $22.8 million, and has since raised $96.2 million. During the same period, however, the RNC has spent $109.6 million, for a deficit of $13.4 million. That spending included aid to the campaigns that elected Gov. Bob McDonnell in Virginia and Gov. Chris Christie in New Jersey.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Well on our way to victory

And Neil thought we had Mother Nature on the run in the 1970s. Well look at THIS:

DOHA, Qatar – Japan and China on Tuesday torpedoed proposals to protect hammerhead and oceanic whitetip sharks — heavily sought for their prized fins — in the latest victory of fishing interests over global conservation efforts.

The defeat of the U.S.-backed measures was part of an aggressive campaign by the Asian nations to oppose all marine proposals at the 175-nation Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species. They also defeated an export ban on Atlantic bluefin tuna, a proposal to regulate the coral trade and a separate shark conservation plan.

YES, people, YES. WE ARE WINNING THE WAR. If we are able to use these victories to propel ourselves on further, surely only pure glory lies ahead.

If we play our cards right, we will succeed in being the only species left in less time than anyone ever thought before possible. With our strategic annihilation of certain species, we will be able (and have successfully done so in the past) to create a domino effect within the food chain, saving us the awful headache of having to take out species after species. Efficiency is the key word here.

Listen to what our filthy, tree fucking liberal communist enemies say to defame our great cause:

Critics accused the countries of putting business and politics ahead of efforts to protect the sharks, which are often fished only for their fins, with their carcasses discarded...

Rwanda's Fidele Ruzigandekwe, who supported the shark listing, said afterward that "science had been set aside for politics."

And here we see some granola (that he picked out of his beard) munching socialist revealing our far-reaching successes:

"Millions of sharks are killed each year to support the global fin trade, while a significant percentage of the world's sharks are threatened or near threatened with extinction," said Palau's Ministry of Natural Resources, Environment & Tourism Harry R. Fritz, adding that his country supports the protection of other shark species as well.

Read on as flower-licking, freedom-hating, Marx and Hitler worshipping superliberals cry (hopefully soon to be extinct) crocodile tears over our brilliant victories:

"Today is a huge loss for the oceans. This is a case of politics prevailing over science," Oceana's Fisheries Campaign Manager Elizabeth Griffin said. "The world failed to stand up today to protect some of the ocean's top predators."

Jupp Baron Kerckerinck zur Borg, president of the Shark Research Institute based in Millbrook, N.Y., acknowledged he was "very disappointed and frustrated right now."

"Japan has been voting the shark proposals down because they are catching them, Singapore voted them down because they make money selling the fins and China makes money because they eat them," he said. "How can we win?"

Cry on, you hippie racists, content to blame the Japanese for your woes. You probably all live in Vermont and genuflect at the altar of that arch-radical Slick Willie. WE WILL WIN.

Friday, March 26, 2010


HELL YEAH BRO. This shit is the new SHIT. The fucking SHIT bro. BRO. Modern Day Escape rules so fucking hard up in here. They are like My Chemical Romance, Avenged Sevenfold (A FUCKING SEVEN X) and Poison all wrapped up into one haircut.

So yeah, they are SIKK. Everyone in the video is SO HOT. HOTTT. HAWT. Man, are they lucky. Guys like them get all the breaks, hanging out at that awesome party with all those hot people. If only we were willing to play enough battles of the bands and shows where you have to sell tickets to play, then we could be at THAT SAME PARTY. But we're not, and we'll never be there, cause we don't have that work ethic. They are like Black Flag and we are like some band you never heard of but was around when Black Flag was and the reason you never heard of them is cause they were lazy and never did anything but Black Flag did.

Man, el oh el, is that Michael Jackson shirt FUNNY. I love funny things.

Even though we suck and are a lazy band of do nothings, the fucking sikk azz crucial bros (ALWAYS before hos, I assure you) MODERN DAY IS WAR ESCAPE THE FATE are taking us under their wing. After we get back from touring with that band that sounds like Attack Attack, and then after we are done brutalizing Christian coffeehouses in the Midwest with I Seahorse Monsters, THEN we are gonna go out with these dudes. And not just out. We're gonna go OFF. Maybe we can get some of their old clothes. I guess they have motivation stitched into the seams or something.

"What if all coral reefs die? Experts are scared"

Principally scared of what will happen to people, of course. A "complete collapse of the marine ecosystem" only seems important to the writer, and I suspect many of those whose research contributed to these conclusions, in the ways that it will impact humans.

It doesn't matter.

It does not matter.

We are not the issue.

We are the problem.

Here is the main thrust of the article, and I assume any other article addressing this topic:

If reefs were to disappear, commonly consumed species of grouper and snapper could become just memories. Oysters, clams and other creatures that are vital to many people's diets would also suffer. And experts say commercial fisheries would fail miserably at meeting demand for seafood.

"Fish will become a luxury good," said Cassandra deYoung of the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization. "You already have a billion people who are facing hunger, and this is just going to aggravate the situation," she added. "We will not be able to maintain food security around the world."

The economic damage could be enormous. Ocean fisheries provide direct employment to at least 38 million people worldwide, with an additional 162 million people indirectly involved in the industry, according to the U.N.

Coral reefs draw scuba divers, snorkelers and other tourists to seaside resorts in Florida, Hawaii, Southeast Asia and the Caribbean and help maintain some of the world's finest sandy beaches by absorbing energy from waves. Without the reefs, hotels, restaurants and other businesses that cater to tourists could suffer financially.

Many Caribbean countries get nearly half their gross national product from visitors seeking tropical underwater experiences.

People all over the world could pay the price if reefs were to disappear, since some types of coral and marine species that rely on reefs are being used by the pharmaceutical industry to develop possible cures for cancer, arthritis and viruses.

"A world without coral reefs is unimaginable," said Jane Lubchenco, a marine biologist who heads NOAA. "Reefs are precious sources of food, medicine and livelihoods for hundreds of thousands around the world. They are also special places of renewal and recreation for thousands more. Their exotic beauty and diverse bounty are global treasures."

It seems impossible for anyone, at least in this part of the world, to consider that animal and plant life, as well as non-living things like water and air, all have intrinsic value. Everything else has as much a right to live and thrive as we do, if not more, for we are the source of the catastrophes that threaten their existence.

But no. We worry about the price of fish, how tourism will do, where we will get medicine. What a sick pity party. Us us us, all that ever matters.

The Coconut Revolution

Fucking amazing. The people of the Bougainville, a small Pacific island nation (in waiting), defeated not just the people who run a major multinational corporation and their efforts to subjugate them into economic colonialism (it's really more plundering than colonialism), but the Papua New Guinea military and the Australian government's economic and military efforts to keep them silent and obedient. They started out with stones against helicopters and then went on to perform the fabled dismantling of the master's house with his tools. Literally. They fucking built guns out of the things the piece of shit mining people left when they were sent packing. Then they beat the shit out of the invading military forces and captured their machine guns.

All the while, they were busy improvising and making beautiful inventions to get by with what they had, being under a military blockade and all. Seriously incredible.

I don't know much about the society they have made, or the politics that govern it, but their environmental principles are incredible. What a wonderful vision of another world. This is pretty much the best-case post-collapse scenario. The people of Bougainville understand that everything around them is finite. They have a palpable respect for the land, not simply for economic value. Bougainvilleans aren't alienated from the land like we are. If only. I wish we still had the sense to say fuck off.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Next favorite band

Holy shit. This one is the biggest mess yet. What a fucking wreck. Pop punk autotuned christian mall metalcore. I honestly do not think I have ever seen a more heartless band (see the drummer/autotune guy at any point throughout the video, the string section attempting to go off, particularly at 2:19, 2:25 2:47, 2:53, 3:14 and 3:36, the singer at 2:45, when HE FUCKING THROWS CARDS). Holy crap does this shit suck.

LOOK AT THE DRUMMER'S FUCKING FILL AT 1:30. It does not even closely match the recording.

Matching white v-neck shirts (sorry keyboard player, I guess they didn't have any six packs of Hanes at Target). A bouncing camera. A card game with a one dollar bill (1:34).

Also, the singer has a carabiner that does not seem to be attached to anything, which can be viewed at 0:45. Wow.

We will tour all the way to Cornerstone with them this year, with a limited edition split seven inch, shaped like an iPhone, available in several neon colors as well as all-over print.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Some new favorite bands

We've made some new friends lately, and shit are we excited. Over the next week or so, I'll be putting up videos of some of them so you are all already into it by the time we go on tour with them or put that split out.

The first one is This Romantic Tragedy. They are probably Christian and they are DEFINITELY crabcore. Everyone who is anyone knows that crabcore rules and that's that. This band takes a lot of influence from the godfathers, Attack Attack, but there ain't a damn thing wrong with that. Crabcore 4 lyf3 man, crabcore 4 lyf3.

THEY ARE SO SICK. They all kind of have skunk hair to one degree or another and the singer has a brutal chinstrap that I don't think quite goes all the way around his jaw line. The keyboard player is just so crayzee that he can't stop himself from jumping up on it like Pepe the organ grinder monkey. They also ratchet the autotune up way higher. SO SICK.

They flip their guitars better than Attack Attack. THERE I SAID IT.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Environmental extremism

I was just reading this stupid article about how some people who fish are really pissed about their interpretations of potential new fishing regulations. One commentator refers to people who favor these regulations as "environmental extremists."


Think about that.

I'm not talking about how fucking crazy right-wing people are, thinking that they live in their god's chosen land and shit like that, or how the country is on the verge of liberal martial law or whatever.

I'm talking about the notion that something like environmental extremism exists.

As though it's possible to take such a position.

The fact is, a concept like that only can exist in a profoundly anthropocentric, destructive culture. As though you can want to protect the environment - trees, air, water, wildlife, soil, mountains - too much. "Environmental extremist" says that the planet is fucking ours. We do what we want with it, what we see fit. It is a fundamentally individualist and arbitrary idea, one where anyone who thinks you need to rein in whatever it is that you are doing is in the extreme. And it's pervasive. I'm sure most people in America can give you some definition of environmental extremism that essentially says that no one should get in the way of human "progress." We think that we can do anything that we want, cause we're people and we are smart. We are advanced. We are the end of evolution.

People might be right about that last part, the end of evolution. Not in the way they intended, that we are perfection incarnate. No, we may be the end of evolution in that the way we've been living, the last few hundred years in particular, there won't be much left when we're done and gone. We've been partying so fucking hard that we're taking everything down with us and don't care. Too wasted on bullshit like iPods and huge televisions.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Lakes are really big toilets and sinks

If you've got anything laying around in the garage that they might give you a hard time about down at the county dump, maybe some old paint, a bit of antifreeze, tainted jet fuel, raw sewage from your factory farm or barrels of octosyllabic synthetic chemicals, just go ahead and toss it in some water that doesn't seem overly important - "navigable," if you will.

The New York Times shows that due to two Supreme Court decisions regarding the Clean Water Act over the last ten years, lots and lots of manufacturers, as well as the military, are doing just that with new found boldness. They've seen the EPA disarmed to an all-time low, unsuccessfully prosecuting cases or abandoning them with hanging heads:

Companies that have spilled oil, carcinogens and dangerous bacteria into lakes, rivers and other waters are not being prosecuted, according to Environmental Protection Agency regulators working on those cases, who estimate that more than 1,500 major pollution investigations have been discontinued or shelved in the last four years...

The Clean Water Act was intended to end dangerous water pollution by regulating every major polluter. But today, regulators may be unable to prosecute as many as half of the nation’s largest known polluters because officials lack jurisdiction or because proving jurisdiction would be overwhelmingly difficult or time consuming, according to midlevel officials.

“We are, in essence, shutting down our Clean Water programs in some states,” said Douglas F. Mundrick, an E.P.A. lawyer in Atlanta. “This is a huge step backward. When companies figure out the cops can’t operate, they start remembering how much cheaper it is to just dump stuff in a nearby creek.”...

About 117 million Americans get their drinking water from sources fed by waters that are vulnerable to exclusion from the Clean Water Act, according to E.P.A. reports...

[M]idlevel E.P.A. officials said that internal studies indicated that as many as 45 percent of major polluters might be either outside regulatory reach or in areas where proving jurisdiction is overwhelmingly difficult.

It seems that the director of that agency could issue some new regulations that address the new holes that the Supreme Court has blown in the law, but she is brilliantly passing it off to Congress, that bastion of efficiency and action. They seem to be sitting on the Clean Water Restoration Act that would help to fix this shit, but I guess it's not important or whatever.

Thankfully, there are the requisite conservative opponents of everything out there drumming up opposition to this addendum:

“If you can get Glenn Beck to say that government storm troopers are going to invade your property, farmers in the Midwest will light up their congressmen’s switchboards,” said the coalition member, who asked not to be identified because he thought his descriptions would anger other coalition participants. Mr. Beck, a conservative commentator on Fox News, spoke at length against the Clean Water Restoration Act in December.

The American Land Rights Association, another organization opposed to legislation, wrote last June that people should “Deluge your senators with calls, faxes and e-mails.” A news release the same month from the American Farm Bureau Federation warned that “even rainwater would be regulated.”

“If you erase the word ‘navigable’ from the law, it erases any limitation on the federal government’s reach,” said Mr. Parrish of the American Farm Bureau Federation. “It could be a gutter, a roadside ditch or a rain puddle. But under the new law, the government gets control over it.”

Great fucking news. When I would pee in the ocean, I used to get really worried that I was going to get arrested. But I had to go, you know? I'm sure it's the same for these people (after all, "company" is a term that tends to hide the fact that people are making all decisions) who dump lead and arsenic and whatever else they've got on hand in a lake, stream or river. They've just got to get rid of it all and the disposal center (what would be my bathroom, in the ocean situation) is so far away. What else could they do? That creek is RIGHT THERE. What the hell else is it good for? It just sits there. It's not like it grows money or produces Range Rovers.

So yes, here's to the Supreme Court for not being able to appreciate, or care, how pedantic semantics has the potential to fuck up the world just a little bit more. They're so fucking concerned with needling laws, and seem to have very little interest in the common good. Although, for a bunch of conservative assholes like they are, I'm sure things like this are the common good, as it lets their friends do whatever the fuck they want in order to maximize profits. And when stocks go up, who doesn't benefit, you know?