being back

is weird. it was cool for about a week. things are fucking stagnant. same shit. boring town. waiting.

people are shitty to one another. living here pressures one into that sort of behavior. so aggressive. so competitive. for what? such fleeting gains. to be in front of another car. jesus christ. i do not want it. i do not want it. i do NOT want it. that's not me. that's what this region, this town, this proximity to new york has made me, or has at least pushed me to be. fuck it. i'm fighting. i don't want to be a horrible fuck. i'm not miserable. i do not have to be. i've seen quite clearly that there are other ways to interact with people, whether you know them or not. i may have to leave to escape it. don't know yet. it's so high-pressure here, so compacted, so dense. i want more from life. don't we all, though?

also, fuck how many pigs there are here. i thought that was standard. it's not. america is pig-ridden.