Getting the Postal Service right

And all it took was long hair, v-neck shirts, autotune and a lot of Jesus. Everyone knows that the Postal Service was one of the worst bands of all time. They had no screaming, their guitars were not even distorted and not one song was about God. Thankfully, Confide has come along and righted every single wrong in the Postal Service's "Such Great Heights." The title of that song was ironic cause it sucked so bad and sounded like Satan, but the new one rules so much and is pretty much the aural equivalent of all-over print.

I was hanging out with them when they were dragging the song's lifeless body from the lake of fire, so I can provide you with a little exclusive insider information on its genesis:

"Bro, God be blessed, let's do it with super-distorted, shitty sounding guitars."

"You stupid fag, praise the Lord, of course we will do it like that."

"Hey bro, keeping in mind that I hate Satan, maybe we could also throw some autotune in there."

"Well yeah, we will slide that to the drummer, cause Christian mall-metalcore drummers always love autotune, which is God's gift to the world."

"Sikk bro, sikk, God is so great, I figure we should also insert a sick, sick, brutal breakdown in there."

"HEAVEN yeah bro, HEAVEN yeah."

"Man, we are gonna bang so many fourteen year olds with this one, God willing."

"I hope so bro, if it is God's divine providence."

Next favorite band

Holy shit. This one is the biggest mess yet. What a fucking wreck. Pop punk autotuned christian mall metalcore. I honestly do not think I have ever seen a more heartless band (see the drummer/autotune guy at any point throughout the video, the string section attempting to go off, particularly at 2:19, 2:25 2:47, 2:53, 3:14 and 3:36, the singer at 2:45, when HE FUCKING THROWS CARDS). Holy crap does this shit suck.



LOOK AT THE DRUMMER'S FUCKING FILL AT 1:30. It does not even closely match the recording.

Matching white v-neck shirts (sorry keyboard player, I guess they didn't have any six packs of Hanes at Target). A bouncing camera. A card game with a one dollar bill (1:34).

Also, the singer has a carabiner that does not seem to be attached to anything, which can be viewed at 0:45. Wow.

We will tour all the way to Cornerstone with them this year, with a limited edition split seven inch, shaped like an iPhone, available in several neon colors as well as all-over print.

Some new favorite bands

We've made some new friends lately, and shit are we excited. Over the next week or so, I'll be putting up videos of some of them so you are all already into it by the time we go on tour with them or put that split out.

The first one is This Romantic Tragedy. They are probably Christian and they are DEFINITELY crabcore. Everyone who is anyone knows that crabcore rules and that's that. This band takes a lot of influence from the godfathers, Attack Attack, but there ain't a damn thing wrong with that. Crabcore 4 lyf3 man, crabcore 4 lyf3.

THEY ARE SO SICK. They all kind of have skunk hair to one degree or another and the singer has a brutal chinstrap that I don't think quite goes all the way around his jaw line. The keyboard player is just so crayzee that he can't stop himself from jumping up on it like Pepe the organ grinder monkey. They also ratchet the autotune up way higher. SO SICK.

They flip their guitars better than Attack Attack. THERE I SAID IT.