It gets better - it also gets worse for others

Fucking brilliant.

Gored "bullfighter" still in a really bad place

Nice. Fuck you, Julio Aparicio. Hope you have a long, terrible road of suffering ahead. Please, please do not die. You do not deserve such luck.

A Madrid hospital says Spanish bullfighter Julio Aparicio has returned to intensive care and is fighting an infection after a horrific goring in the throat by a bull.

Aparicio had left the unit and was recovering well on Monday following surgery to reconstruct his throat, mouth and palate, but outbreak of an infection forced a return to the unit where doctors placed him on mechanically assisted breathing, October 12 Hospital said.

In a statement released Saturday the hospital says Aparicio is now breathing normally and it describes his condition as "grave" but stable.

The matador slipped in a bullring, fell to the ground and a 1,168 pound bull drove his right horn through Aparicio's throat and out his mouth.

I guess they got the bull's weight after a couple of brave men killed it for no reason.

Vicarious pleasure

This man functions as a wonderful stand-in for all those who have fucked with someone on a bike.

Something serious did indeed just happen.

I'm sorry that I was racist at you, you are famous

Hello. My name is Robert Powell. My friend calls me Bob. Until today, I was a police officer in Dallas, Texas. Two weeks ago, I saw a vehicle, with hazard lights on, roll through a red light and several stop signs. When the driver got to the hospital, which is where he was going, I saw everyone in the car was black. GREAT. Can't I catch a break?

So as soon as they pulled up and parked, two women get out of the car and run into the hospital! You better believe I drew my gun, told them to get back in the car and show me their hands. They didn't listen and one of them told me her mother was dying inside. Glad none of my family voted for Obama.

Then the guy driving gets out, and HE tries to go inside too! I told him, while waving my gun around, not to move, and that if he didn't produce his insurance card, I was gonna have to lock him up. Boy, his attitude really sucked. He kept saying something about his mother-in-law dying inside, that she only had minutes to live.

Next thing you know, a nurse comes out and starts giving me the same guff. I ignored her as best I could, but then a fellow officer came and said the SAME thing! I knew better though. This perp needed to be handled. I did the best I could, kept him outside for thirteen minutes, wrote him a ticket and let him inside. Yeah, let him. I could have kept him longer if I wanted. He got lucky.

So here it is, a couple of weeks later, and everyone's goin wild about me doing my job. Even if they were going to the hospital to see her mother, his mother-in-law, before she passed, they broke the law. If they didn't violate our legal code, he wouldn't have been standing in the parking lot while she died. Not my fault. I didn't make him run that light. Once he did that, all bets are off. He's at MY mercy then. I could have hauled him in, and I should have, with his attitude.

Turns out this guy who was driving is a pro football player. Now everyone thinks he deserves special attention. They all say I should have let him go inside, I should have listened to him, there was no reason at all to pull my gun on his wife, I shouldn't have treated him like an animal, and so on. Ya hear me? HE WAS BLACK. And it was late.

Here's a video of me taking care of business with this perp. It's got a lot of my good lines in there. Even though it's dark out, you can still tell he's black.

So I've been suspended with pay for the last few weeks, and it's been great. I watch the TV all day and don't have to deal with all them scum. Reporters call all day, but I like talkin to em so they can find out what really happened. The chief though, he don't like it much. He says he understands, but that it makes the department look bad, so he made me quit today. Damn chief, I even apologized after people found out!

It's ok though, cause shit, I liked bein a cop, but I'm gonna downright LOVE bein a prison guard!